It's a Good Start

Since I despise blogs that start with "This is my first blog; I'm an idiot and I have nothing to say" with all the piss and vinegar of an impotent dictator, I'm going to start with a story. It's not a good story - for a start it doesn't have a dragon, there's nary a whiff of damsel in distress and it has about as much regard for the three-act-structure as a toddler does for A Brief History of Time. Stick with it though, there's a good bit near the end. Having not slept since arriving back from an uncharacteristically hedonistic evening involving jagerbombs, breasts and my first visit to a city centre pub at night in around two years, I wandered downstairs at six in the morning (making a mental note that there is a six o'clock in the morning as well) to make myself a cheese toastie. My sandwich maker had, as usual, been packed neatly onto the top of the fridge at some point, and - being unwilling to wake my housemates getting it down - took some bread out of the freezer and put it in the toaster to defrost. After stepping aside briefly to allow one of our ant kitchen guests to pass, I buttered the toast, grated the cheese onto it and popped it back into the toaster. Outside the window morning was, if not breaking, cracking slightly around the edges and looking worryingly fragile. The kettle boiled. I watched the aforementioned ant report back to the two guards stationed beside the takeaway container, wondering to myself that the only thing standing between them and agonising oblivion was my laziness in not being arsed to get the spray from the cupboard. At some point during the planning stages of the oncoming Formicidae holocaust, the toast popped, I popped it on a plate and opened the fridge to put the butter back. It was then that I noticed the jar of sandwich pickle. And now I have a perfectly serviceable toasted cheese sandwich which will remain marred forever by the thought that it could have been so much more. I'm hoping that somewhere in that last post you got something of an idea of who I am, and what sort of blog this is going to be.